[All] Fw: Fwd: The Enbridge Testimony Stephen Harper Doesn’t Want Heard

[Louisette Lanteigne]

Message from Don.

----- Forwarded Message -----
From: D. W. Dietrich <ddpyx3 at gmail.com>
To: Louisette Lanteigne <butterflybluelu at rogers.com> 
Sent: Monday, August 13, 2012 8:55:05 PM
Subject: Fwd: The Enbridge Testimony Stephen Harper Doesn’t Want Heard
 

If you like please forward this satire to GREN.  Usually when I do it it gets blocked.  I'm not sure why.  Enjoy.  Don 



Begin forwarded message:


>The Enbridge Testimony Stephen Harper Doesn’t Want Heard
>
>The 
following statement was made by Miranda Holmes today at the National 
Energy Board's Joint Review Panel hearings into the proposed Enbridge 
Northern Gateway Pipeline in Comox, BC.
>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Many voices have been heard during these hearings, yet one has remained
 silent: the oily character at the centre of the debate. I think that’s a
 shame and so I am using my time before the panel to allow this 
character’s case to be made.
>Hi, my name’s Dil Bit. That’s short for Diluted Bitumen, but I feel like I’m amongst friends here, so let’s not be too formal.
>I come from the tar sands and, as you know, Alberta totally digs me. Alberta’s so generous she wants to share me with everyone.
>If she gets her way, I’ll be passing through British Columbia a lot in 
the future, so I thought I should introduce myself properly.
>As 
fossil fuels go, I’m a bit unconventional. But, as Alberta’s favourite 
son Steve will tell you, I’m totally ethical. (And don’t let those jet 
setting celebrities tell you any different.)
>I’m also way better than conventional crude oil.
>For instance, my total acid concentrations are up to 20 times higher 
than conventional crude. My sulphur content is up to 10 times higher and
 I’m up to 70 times thicker. Pretty impressive, eh?
>Yeah, it’s true I
 can be a bit abrasive. Bits of quartz, pyrite, silicates, sure I carry 
them around. It’s just the way I’m made.
>So conventional crude 
doesn’t have my grit. So what? No need to point out, like those granola 
eaters at the Natural Resources Defense Council did, that putting me in a
 pipeline is “like sandblasting the inside of the pipe.”
>I don’t 
know why the Americans have taken against me, because – like so many of 
them – I pack some serious heat. Thanks to my true grit and my thickness
 (I like to think of it as strength), I make pipes hotter than 
conventional crude - and harder to monitor. In fact, pipelines carrying 
me are16 times more likely to leak.
>See? I told you I was better.
>I’m Alberta’s most precious resource. You think she and Steve are going to let just anyone transport me? No way.
>For my travels through British Columbia, they’re going to use Enbridge,
 a fine, upstanding company with an excellent track record. Why, it took
 Enbridge 10 years to spill half as much oil as the Exxon Valdez. And 
they didn’t just spill it in one spot – they spread it around.
>Regulators in the US thought the three million litres of me Enbridge 
spilled in Michigan was so funny they compared the company to those 
great comedy characters the Keystone Kops.
>If Enbridge maintains its
 current success rate it should be able to meet Steve’s federal 
standards, which allow undetected pipeline leaks of less than 2% of 
capacity per week.
>For the Northern Gateway project that means 
Enbridge could legally leave 11 million litres of me a week behind on my
 way to Kitimat without getting into any serious trouble. And why should
 they? Eleven million litres of me would be more than three times 
funnier than Michigan, right?
>That’s good news for me, because I’ve 
heard there are some mighty pretty places in northern BC and I think it 
would be a shame not to get to know them better.
>And it’s good news 
for BC, because your premier’s promising lots of jobs out of oil and gas
 exports, and cleaning up after me will sure keep people employed.
>Sorry if any of the spots I’m going to wreck is one of your favourites, 
but I’ve got to keep Alberta happy. You know what she’s like.
>
>-- 
>Note:   If you forward this email, please delete the forwarding history, which includes my email address. It is a courtesy to me and others who may not wish to have their email addresses sent all over the world. Erasing the history also helps prevent Spammers from mining addresses and prevents viruses from being propagated
>
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